Ramblings of a restless mind

The mind is in the company of disquiet thoughts.

All I seem to be clear about is what I don’t want.

 I don’t want this slime and deceit that I am  surrounded with. Ever a gap between intentions disclosed and the ones that remains covert.
So you, yes YOU, do you know that what you proclaim and what you really want are two entirely different things? And do you know that I can see it? The chasm between the two. You believe you are so clever, so apparently good-intentioned that no one can see though the deceit? Can you yourself see the deceit? Because I see it so clearly it dims everything else from view. And my ability to understand the nuances of human nature is sadly lacking. And even I see it.

Of what I do want, I know nothing.

Lost Wallet

I have lost my wallet and it is entirely my fault. Well, not entirely…I do blame a large portion of it on the husband. It doesn’t make anything any better, though. The fact remains that it has gone. It is a debilitating feeling…losing a wallet. A wallet contains so many things one takes for granted when it is there. And when it is gone…suddenly, you realize those were things that are irreplaceable.

I am exaggerating you say? Cards can be re-issued you say? Money can be earned? Well, of course. They can be replaced. It will be a hell of a lot of trouble, which, frankly, I deserve for losing my wallet.

That’s not what I am talking about. The irreplaceable things are the memories attached…little things that are of no value per-se. Like a picture of my mom and dad together, in a perfect size for a wallet. A picture with S…in front of Charring cross, my first visiting card, several bills that remind me of places gone to. All reminders of good times had.

These things can never be replaced. Like the things in life they represent. A childhood gone by…friends who are so far away…family that was far, far less complicated, somehow, despite all the mess. Sigh. All gone. Taken for a measly sum of Rs.500 and some change. I almost feel insulted that there were no attempts on the cards. I mean, come on! You- the one who took my wallet, you know who you are, did you steal away all this from me just for the 500 bucks? Really?

An Introduction to my life

The world is quiet. Unusual for my world, at 11pm. Work remains incomplete...threatening to weigh down and burst at the seams. The room is dark…with only my table lamp on. Everyone sleeps. I hear the sounds of the rain falling and dogs barking...and in between all of that, what is that I hear? Silence?

I am suspended in time. Today has gone by, tomorrow, yet to come. No one can reach me. And suddenly, this sense of peace takes over. The fog that has engulfed my mind, for all this while, suddenly clears. At this point, this moment, nothing can touch me. I am free to sit here in the dark...listening to the rains. No one has claims over my time or attention or mind space. Not my family, not work, nor friends.

Yet, what am I doing with all of this newly acquired mind space? I am spending it on making a ppt that will affect no one’s life in anyway. I don’t even believe it will attract ridicule from, entertain or threaten or engage anyone. Yet I choose to spend my moment, my time (and no one else’s) on making the ppt. That is the story of my life.